​The most important relationship you will ever work on is the one with yourself.
SOUL MIND & HEART Relationship Coaching is designed to help you understand yourself first.
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Understanding yourself and healing your own past traumas and experiences will naturally create better relationships with partners, family, friends and others.
Who are you in a relationship?
Are you judgemental, critical or noticing a lot of negative behaviours and qualities in others?​​
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Many of the behaviours you are looking for in others can come from your childhood programming, self-belief and past traumatic experiencess that left you feeling rejected, neglected, unlovable or unwanted.
When you are being ‘triggered’ by the behaviours and actions of others, those triggers are often reactivating a part of you that may be feeling hurt, unloved, neglected or unwanted. This does not excuse the behaviour of others, it acknowledges and validates what you are experiencing.
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Do you find it hard to let yourself get close to others? Are you afraid of getting hurt, disappointed, abandoned or rejected?
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It’s time to validate and give love to the parts of you that may not have been acknowledged or understood in the past.
What is your inner voice saying to you?
Your internal self-talk is running on autopilot​​
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Your unconscious mind stores memories, hurts and experiences that you have not had a chance to process or understand. These memories can be reactivated through words, phrases, body language and much more.
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When you communicate or interact with others, your self-talk is often controlling your internal reactions, triggers, judgements and behaviours.
Have you been experiencing:
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Self-Sabotage
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Self-Criticism
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Self-Judgement
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Self-Hate
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Self-Neglect
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Self-Sacrifice
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Low Self-Confidence
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Low Self-Worth
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Low Self-Esteem
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Low Self-Love
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Low Self-Image
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Low Self-Care
The mask of protection
We have all experienced times in life where we have put on a mask to show the outside world. Times that we were afraid of what others will think of us, scared that they will judge us, dislike us or reject us.
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We have all hidden behind our own mask of protection, hidden behind the walls that we have built around our heart that were placed there to make us feel safe, protected and accepted.
When it comes to communication and relationships, other people only get to experience you from outside your mask of protection.
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Most often, the behaviours, actions, words and emotions that you are displaying on the outside are very different from your internal experiences.
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Do you feel like no one understands what you are really going through on the inside?
Our brains are wired for connection, but trauma rewires them for protection. That’s why healthy relationships are difficult for wounded people.
- Ryan North
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If you have unhealed emotional trauma, your unconscious mind may be constantly on the lookout for what is perceives as a threat. If you have been hurt or rejected in the past, your unconscious mind is doing its best to keep you protected by searching for signs that it may happen again.
Signs that emotional trauma could be affecting your relationships:
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​Often feeling and acting defensive
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Blaming everyone else for what you are feeling
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Feeling negative emotions toward yourself
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Feeling negative emotions toward others
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Harmful or abusive self-talk
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Finding it hard to connect to others
Your wall of protection
All of your actions, inactions and behaviours are driven by your past memories, programming, thoughts and life experiences. You are doing your best to keep yourself feeling safe and protected.
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If you have had negative past experiences, your brain may have rewired your nervous system to seek protection rather than connection.
Are you struggling with:
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Communicating your emotional needs
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Telling yourself that you deserve it
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Feeling shame, fear, anger or disgust
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Staying in unhealthy relationships
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Feeling rejected or abandoned
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Struggling to set healthy boundaries
Traumatic experiences can develop into unhealthy, unhelpful coping strategies and alter your ability to make authentic connections with others.
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Trauma is not just about what happened to you, it can be just as much about what didn’t happen to you: You may have experienced significant unmet needs such as: feeling neglected, abandoned, unwanted, rejected or unsafe.
Would you like to:
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Feel safe to speak up and explain how you feel
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Confidently set healthy personal boundaries
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Create more meaningful, loving relationships
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Discover self-confidence, self-worth and self-love
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Develop healthy relationships
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Release trauma and build healthy relationships
“You have been criticising yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.” – Louise Hay